Ditch Days
We can all agree that Ferris Bueller had the best ditch day ever.
Of course, those who have tried to fit all that in realistically, have failed. Ah, the glamour of movies.
However, the spirit of it all is still thriving — how does one skip out on life’s responsibilities for even a day to swing the pendulum wildly on that work-life balance spectrum we’re all chasing, and never really perfecting?
Well, it’s simple.
No one ever nails the work-life conundrum. Even if you’re Jeff Bezos, you still over-worked your life to be where you are now, and then you’re over-lifing and probably missing the mind itch of working.
Buttttt … for the non-yacht-life-living-in-the-south-of-France crowd, there are ways to hit that Venn diagram of work + life = bliss, even for a moment.
Too often, adults feel - or need - their kids to be in school all day, every day. It creates structure and discipline, and there’s a thought that If they miss this day, they’ll fall behind.
Fair. But, short-sighted thinking. A day missed of school, unless it’s a critical test, won’t result in anything but good memories for the child.
To wit: a few years ago, I was on Wheel of Fortune. We took my oldest daughter out of school that day to experience the set, the taping, the experience with us. She raised her hand during every commercial break over six show tapings to ask Vanna White a question. She got to see her dad win multiple prize puzzles. She talks about it to this day. You think a Tuesday in 5th grade creates that type of memory?
Similarly, we’ve pulled both kids out of school for a long weekend to go to Disneyland, to see family, to experience life. I remember graduating from high school and a handful of kids got an award for never missing a day in four years.
I was an outcast in high school with no friends, no social life, minimal anything, and I still thought Man, what a bunch of losers.
And yet, I am not sure how many “Ditch Days” my parents had for me. The answer is “enough.” I remember a few. I missed some days for long weekends camping, or an annual trip to Hawaii in January — and am thankful for that break from the norm, and the memories made.
I don’t recall a Ferris Bueller type day, but I do remember doing homework on the shores of Oahu.
To be clear, I’m not advocating ditching for the sake of avoiding responsibility (hello, Ferris), or ditching because you just can’t handle school for the day, mentally (hola, Ferris), or proving a point to authority, aka mom, dad, and Principal Rooney (konichiwa, Ferris). This is about picking your spots to make a memory, or take advantage of a situation.
Example: School in our city starts before Labor Day. That leaves a perfect three-day weekend ripe for a getaway, but with the drawback of a 3pm exit on Friday. We left on Thursday for a long weekend, put school into the rearview mirror, and created a family weekend. Will we remember every detail? No. Will our kids fall back for missing a Friday in September? Also, no.
Which leads me to this …
Friday night, my favorite band is playing a show in the San Diego area. We’re pulling the girls out of school on Friday so one can attend the show, and the other gets one-on-one time with grandma.
You think either of them will remember a random school Friday in October in five years?
You think either of them will remember front row seats at a concert, or the spoils of grandma for 24 hours in five years?
This is the balance of parenting. This is the balance of life.
An imbalance of parenting is doing this multiple times a quarter. An imbalance of parenting is never doing this. Finding the sweet spot is what we’re all aiming for.
Your role as a parent is to guide your children’s lives and set them up to be better than you. And by guiding them to experience life without shirking responsibility means you’re opening them to new ways of thinking or enjoying life in the moment which means they may make the same, or different, decisions for themselves at some point.
But you’re giving them that chance to calculate properly.
It’s not so much guidelines as it may be guidance.
Besides … Ferris and Cameron were messed up teenagers escaping their parents’ grasp anyway.
And when you can dictate Ditch Days, why wouldn’t you hold your kids’ attention in your grasp for as long as you could?
I’ll always remember my father coming into my room one morning and saying the following: “You’re not going to school. Day game at Candlestick and Doc Gooden is starting. We’re going. Get dressed.”
Can’t love this post any more, and wholeheartedly agree. My daughter agrees and thanks us for those special memories that never registered…not even as a blip… in the school calendar. I still try to strike that balance as an adult and this was a good reminder that even as empty nesters, we can still carve out a “renew” (aka “ditch”) day and not feel guilty about it 😉